What Every Dating Site Got Wrong About Its Customers

Which statement do you think is more true?

Tinder, Bumble, and Hinge are designed to help you find a partner as fast as possible.
They are designed to stretch out the process for as long as possible—potentially indefinitely—to collect fees from you forever.

If you paused to think about it, you already know the answer.

Most dating app founders believe one thing: a user leaving the site to find a relationship is bad for business.

That is why they build "sticky" features, endless swiping, and gamification loops designed to keep you addicted. They are terrified of you leaving.

But here is what they got wrong: Temporary user departure isn't always revenue loss.

If an app works, people leave because they found someone. If an app sucks, people leave because they're frustrated. The dating industry treats both the same—as problems to solve with more addictive features.

I'm building Pretty Good Dating on the opposite assumption.

1. The "Supermarket" vs. The "Slot Machine"

This is a huge differentiator in 2026. I am essentially building a Dating Utility (a tool) rather than a Dating Casino (a game).

"The 'Swiping Era' (Tinder/Bumble) gamified dating, but it also exhausted everyone."

Moving back to a "Search & Browse" model (like the original Plenty of Fish or OkCupid) respects your intelligence and intent.

Swiping Apps (Slot Machine)

You pull the lever (swipe) and hope for a prize. You are passive. You get addicted to the dopamine, not the result.

Pretty Good Dating (Supermarket)

You walk in with a list. You go to the specific aisle you want (e.g., "Non-smoker," "Want kids," "Local").

Why this works for Real Life:
I don't want to build for the "serial dater"—I want to build for reality. And reality usually is that you meet several people before you find the one.

When you return to the dating market after a breakup, you often have a clearer idea of what went wrong and what you want next. A search-based app empowers you to look for exactly that, rather than feeding you a mysterious algorithmic soup.

There is no swiping on Pretty Good Dating. You filter for exactly what you want. You can star a user to save them, or hide a user you don't want to see again, but the filters are so powerful you'll never need to swipe.

2. Solving the "Old POF" Nightmare: The Inbox Explosion

The biggest flaw of the original POF was that women were absolutely buried in low-effort messages ("hey", "hi", "ur hot"). It made the app unusable for attractive users.

My Solution: Chat Request Limits.

Why it works: Scarcity creates value. If a user only has 3 chat requests per day, they aren't going to waste one on "hey." They will save them for profiles they genuinely like and write better opening messages.

The Economy of Attention: This forces men (who typically mass-message) to curate their choices. It mimics real life—you can't approach 500 people in a bar in one night; you have to pick who you really want to talk to.

3. The Reactivation Loop

If my assumption is true (that users return), then my most important marketing channel is re-activation, not new acquisition.

The Pitfall: Most apps punish returning users. They make you start over, or they show you the same people you rejected two years ago.

The Fix:

Preserve "Elo" Scores: I remember who you liked and didn't like. If you return after a year, I won't show you the same 50 people you already swiped left on.
The "Welcome Back" Gift: When you reactivate, I give you a free boost. I acknowledge that you are back on the market and make it easy, rather than treating you like a stranger.

4. Brand Loyalty > Addiction

Tinder and Bumble rely on addiction (gamification). I rely on trust.

If you find a partner on my app, break up 8 months later, and are feeling vulnerable, you will return to the place that felt "safe" and "effective."

If I help you find a partner in 2 weeks, you will remember that efficiency. If I drag it out to 6 months to squeeze subscription fees, you will remember the frustration.

Summary

I don't build for the "serial dater." I build for reality—and the reality for most people between 20 and 45 is that finding the right person takes time and multiple attempts.

Old Model: Optimize for "Time in App" (Addiction).

My Model: Optimize for "Time to Success" (Efficiency) + "Ease of Return" (Loyalty).

If you find someone in two weeks, you'll remember the efficiency. If I drag it out for six months to extract subscription fees, you'll remember the frustration.

And when you're back on the market in two years? You'll remember which app respected your time.

The Real Metric

The dating industry measures "Daily Active Users" and "Time in App." I want to measure something else:

Time to success.

How quickly can I help you find someone worth meeting? That's the only number that matters.

Because if I do that well, you'll come back. And you'll bring friends.