How the Double Gate System Creates Better Conversations

On most dating apps, anyone can message anyone. Sounds democratic, right? In practice, it creates a nightmare—especially for women.

The average woman on Tinder gets hundreds of matches. Not because she's swiping yes on everyone, but because men swipe right on nearly everyone, then sort through matches later. The result? Women's inboxes become unmanageable walls of "hey" and worse.

Meanwhile, men send messages into the void, rarely getting responses. Both sides end up frustrated, but for different reasons.

The Problem with Unlimited Messaging

When there's no cost to sending a message, people treat messages as disposable. Why craft a thoughtful opener when you can copy-paste the same thing to 50 people?

This creates a race to the bottom:

• Men learn that effort doesn't pay off, so they send low-effort messages to maximize volume
• Women get so many messages that they can only glance at each one, missing genuine attempts at connection
• Everyone ends up treating each other as disposable

The apps benefit from this chaos. More messages = more engagement = more ad revenue and more reasons to sell you premium features to "stand out."

How Pretty Good Dating Does It Differently

We use what we call the double gate system. Instead of letting anyone message anyone, there are two gates to pass through:

Gate 1: Chat Requests

Before you can message someone, you have to send a chat request. This isn't a message—it's a simple signal that says "I'd like to talk to you."

You can only send 5 chat requests per day, and you can only accept 5 chat requests per day.

This limit forces a simple but powerful behavior change: you have to actually look at someone's profile before requesting to chat. You can't spam requests to everyone. You have to choose.

And because accepting is also limited, if someone accepts your chat request, it's because they actually want to hear from you. That's a great sign before you've even sent a word.

Gate 2: First Messages

Even after a conversation opens, there's one more limit: you can only send 5 first messages per day across all your conversations.

After that? Unlimited replies in conversations where you've already broken the ice.

Why This Works

The double gate system solves problems on both sides:

For people who receive a lot of attention (mostly girls): Instead of an overwhelming inbox, you get a manageable stream of requests from people who specifically chose you out of their 5 daily options. Every request means something.

For people who send a lot of messages (mostly guys): When you can only reach out to 5 people per day, you naturally put more thought into who you contact and what you say. Quality replaces quantity. And when someone accepts your request, you know they actually want to talk—your message won't disappear into a sea of hundreds of others.

For everyone: Conversations that actually happen are between two people who both actively wanted to talk to each other. That's a much better starting point than "I swiped right on 200 people and you happened to match."

The Goal: Exactly What You Want, Nothing More

Modern dating apps make you sort through users one by one. Swipe, swipe, swipe. This is quite literally the worst possible way to search for one person in a large group of people.

Pretty Good Dating is designed to give you exactly what you want and nothing more. Browse profiles. Find someone interesting. Reach out. If they're interested too, have a real conversation.

The double gate system is how we make that work without the typical chaos. Girls don't get inundated with hundreds of messages they can't possibly read. Guys don't lose hope after sending 100 thoughtful messages that never even got opened.

Both people in a conversation chose to be there. That's how dating should work.